Monday, August 15, 2011

"I miss my babies."

3 of my mom's babies and some guy.
This is 1979 and I am the screaming child in the front.  
My baby sister is not born yet.  

My mom taught me a great lesson without even realizing she taught it to me.
All through my life I can remember my mom saying, "I miss my babies!"
She had four kids all each less than two years apart and she would have had more if she could have.

(Here is a picture of me and my siblings.  It's not really of my mom's "babies" but it is the only one I have of just us together at a young age.  I especially wanted to add this because check out my capris with tights and red jelly shoes.  My older sister is sporting that look too and may I say it is quite a look.  I do not remember this at all!  Was this an in thing or was I a trend setter?  Were we in the middle of a Shakespeare play?  I don't know.  But that haircut sure was a good one.  I must really pour everything I can into my Shakespearean roles.  I will have to find a picture where you can really see how good it looks.)

Anyways back to my mom.  I have asked her often if it was hard and why she had us all so close together.  I have never once heard her complain about it.  She always speaks about those times so fondly.  She absolutely loved it.  The way she talks about it it makes me feel a bit guilty we grew up on her.

The thing I have taken from this is to enjoy my time with my little kids.  When both my kids are screaming and crying I always think to myself, "One day I will miss this.  One day I will wish I had screaming kids in my house rather than none."  And I usually smile and the screaming isn't so bad.

I have found that motherhood is a series of goodbyes.  Every new stage Eva or Scarlett enter I have to say goodbye to the person they were before and I miss them terribly.  I miss them as new born babies, I miss Eva crawling up to my legs and pulling on my pants (so excited for Scarlett to do this!), I miss when Eva learned to walk and didn't want any help.  I hate that they grow so fast yet so subtly that I don't realize they have grown until I turn around and Eva is saying full sentences and Scarlett is holding her own bottle and putting it in and out of her mouth.

The only thing I hate about motherhood is that it has to end.
I know that it doesn't "technically" end but it does sort of end and your kids have to leave you and like people better then you and think your are uncool and embarrassing.

Right now Eva will snuggle me and say, "I love you so much." and my heart melts and I blink away tears and try to memorize the sound of her voice.

These are my girls today.  I am trying to remember these sweet little girls just as they are now because they will be gone soon.

This is what I saw first thing this morning.  
I made her stay right there so I could get her picture.  I love those brown eyes. 

This is Scarlett in the sling ready to go water plants with me.  
I was surprised and happy how well this picture turned out.


sweetheber said...

True. True. True. I have been crying since yesterday. I just dropped off my oldest baby at his first day of 1st grade--ALL DAY! My eyes are so swollen from crying last night that he said, "Mom! You have bad allergies in your eyes!!" I'm always amazed at motherhood: it's so hard, so wonderful & so fleeting. Once it's gone, it's gone forever. Thanks for your post. You must have known I needed it--seeing those big brown eyes, I'm sobbing again. I miss my babies, too!

Alicia said...

I love this post. I really need to work on living in (and loving) the "now".
Thanks, friend.

mushbelly said...

These are beautiful pictures of your beautiful girls :) Love them! I'm so glad I got to see them today and hang out with them at the pool.

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