Up on my soapbox with a suicide roll.

Proceed at your own risk.  I am expressing some of my life opinions.

Remember as a child you are told how pretty, smart and fantastic you are but then when you start to grow up you learn it is not ok to think you are so fabulous so you learn to hate yourself and shame yourself and make fun of yourself only to get into adulthood and learn it is ok to like, daresay, love yourself so then we have to spend the next 10 years of our adult life learning to like who we are and share our real selves with the world?

I have the hope to help my girls through this silly hardship.  I have no idea how I will do it but I want to try.

Right now Eva is in the super cute stage where everything she does is absolutely darling and everyone ooos and ahhs over her.  This super cute stage is partly so super cute because she is innocent to it and doesn't ham it up when people give her compliments.  One day this will be over and it will be sad but for now it is so fun.

We went to a wedding a couple months ago and Eva had to wear her very fancy dress and fancy necklace and we curled her hair.

When people told her how pretty she looked she said,"I know!" but not in a snobby way, but in an "I am having so much fun" way.  I want her to always feel this way.  I want her to know it is OK to think you look good and to like who you are.  Not only is it OK but you will have a healthier happier life if you are able to like and enjoy yourself.  I think the key to this is to be aware that you are no better than anyone else and that you are not, and don't have to be, the best looking, smartest or funniest in the room.  If you are happy and satisfied with who you are than it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or looks like.

Here's a recent, personal example.  I was working at Nordstrom the other day and they had some hair stylists there so I had one of them do a suicide roll for me.  See pictures below:

 Me twitterpated with my hair.

It is a bit messy since this was the end of the day.

I absolutely loved it and plan on doing it often to my hair.  But one young makeup artist I was working with said, "Oh did you get your hair done? (clearly I had)  You have a poof on the top of your head."  That was it.  In woman code that means,"I don't have anything nice to say about your hair so I will just make a statement about it since I want to let you know that I don't like it and think it looks horrible."  I know what you are thinking, "Well you were at Nordstrom."

I just blew it off and thought,"Well, I love it".

My point?
It's OK to be in love with yourself.  
It's not OK to think you are the only one who exists or who is important.
It's OK to like your like's and stand by your opinions.
It's not OK to think that people are stupid who don't share your like's and opinions.
It's OK to think you are pretty amashzing.
It's not OK to think no one else is amashzing.
It's also not OK to think "You are great but I am better."  

So let's enjoy ourselves as well as enjoying what others have to offer.

OK got it?  Good.

Thanks to Michelle for letting me know about a great tutorial on Youtube about how to do a suicide roll.  Here it is in case you want one too.

And send me a picture if you do it.

My therapy begins.

I found a therapist and have started therapy.
I like her (she is a she) and I'm so glad it worked out because I liked her price a lot too.
I think therapy is worth the money even if it is expensive but I found someone I like and she has a really reasonable price so I am double happy about it.  


I feel myself slipping into bouts of depression and with all the emotions going on in my life right now I know I need some help.
I write this because I am not ashamed that I need therapy.  I think everyone needs it and that it is really helpful if you find the right therapist that fits for you.


What I am hoping to get out of it is insight, answers, aha moments (thanks Oprah), help and emotional peace.  I look forward to having someone who is completely un-invested in my life help me.  Plus, I get to talk about myself for an hour.  Who doesn't like doing that?  


Apart of me is a little scared at what I will discover but I am mostly relieved and feel like it is about damn time.  I have finally started something I probably should have started a long time ago.  


May I just say if you have thought about therapy just do it.  Don't wait until it is really, really bad to be motivated.  That just seems silly.  
Believe me I have amashzing hindsight!


Love.

My gardening project with photos for your enjoyment.

I garden.
I am a gardener.

Last year I attempted a garden.
It was an extremely pathetic attempt and I gave up half way through the summer and decided that since it was my first try I could fail at it.

This year I enlisted some help of a garden veteran and did much better.
My father-in-law helped me and even custom built me a drip system which is the best thing on earth and in my opinion is the only way to have a successful garden, mind you this is my only successful garden.

I love my garden and I even love weeding it.  It is like a little meditation space for me.

My garden has good energy.

So far I have not come across any grasshoppers.
I am deathly afraid of grasshoppers and I am not kidding.
I will have a hard time entering my garden if I know even one grasshopper is in there.

I took some pictures to show you and since they were a little boring I thought I would artify them a little and play around with my photo editing software for some fun and learning.

Here is my Ahmashzing (it's how you pronounce amazing when you have too much spit in your mouth) photography art:

IF CORN WAS HOT PINK.

The Lovers.  
DO NOT DISTURB!

I think this one is my favorite because it looks like they are whispering sweet nothings to each other and the leaf is keeping us from hearing them.

My carrots are struggling but I hear from my veteran carrots can grow through the winter if I cover them with leaves.  And I have plenty of leaves.

And here is how the naked eye sees my garden. 

My favorite thing so far is the lettuce.  I pick it and it grows right back.  I have had some great salads.  

I also love the cilantro but Eva thinks it is a weed but I always catch her picking it way too late.  The positive about it is when I snuggle her at night I smell cilantro.  Mmmmmmm.