"I miss my babies."

3 of my mom's babies and some guy.

This is 1979 and I am the screaming child in the front.  

My baby sister is not born yet.  

My mom taught me a great lesson without even realizing she taught it to me.
All through my life I can remember my mom saying, "I miss my babies!"
She had four kids all each less than two years apart and she would have had more if she could have.

(Here is a picture of me and my siblings.  It's not really of my mom's "babies" but it is the only one I have of just us together at a young age.  I especially wanted to add this because check out my capris with tights and red jelly shoes.  My older sister is sporting that look too and may I say it is quite a look.  I do not remember this at all!  Was this an in thing or was I a trend setter?  Were we in the middle of a Shakespeare play?  I don't know.  But that haircut sure was a good one.  I must really pour everything I can into my Shakespearean roles.  I will have to find a picture where you can really see how good it looks.)

Anyways back to my mom.  I have asked her often if it was hard and why she had us all so close together.  I have never once heard her complain about it.  She always speaks about those times so fondly.  She absolutely loved it.  The way she talks about it it makes me feel a bit guilty we grew up on her.

The thing I have taken from this is to enjoy my time with my little kids.  When both my kids are screaming and crying I always think to myself, "One day I will miss this.  One day I will wish I had screaming kids in my house rather than none."  And I usually smile and the screaming isn't so bad.

I have found that motherhood is a series of goodbyes.  Every new stage Eva or Scarlett enter I have to say goodbye to the person they were before and I miss them terribly.  I miss them as new born babies, I miss Eva crawling up to my legs and pulling on my pants (so excited for Scarlett to do this!), I miss when Eva learned to walk and didn't want any help.  I hate that they grow so fast yet so subtly that I don't realize they have grown until I turn around and Eva is saying full sentences and Scarlett is holding her own bottle and putting it in and out of her mouth.

The only thing I hate about motherhood is that it has to end.
I know that it doesn't "technically" end but it does sort of end and your kids have to leave you and like people better then you and think your are uncool and embarrassing.

Right now Eva will snuggle me and say, "I love you so much." and my heart melts and I blink away tears and try to memorize the sound of her voice.

These are my girls today.  I am trying to remember these sweet little girls just as they are now because they will be gone soon.

This is what I saw first thing this morning.  

I made her stay right there so I could get her picture.  I love those brown eyes. 

This is Scarlett in the sling ready to go water plants with me.  

I was surprised and happy how well this picture turned out.

I am grateful for my normal.

I posted a link to this blog the other day.  If you checked it out you may have found out that sweet little baby Ruby passed away.  If anyone who reads this lives near Rancho Santa Margarita or Lake Forest, CA you are invited to show your support for Ruby's family.
Ruby was born a few weeks after Scarlett in December.
A post that Ruby's mom wrote about just wanting a normal day really helped me.
The past two days I have just stayed at home with my girls and cleaned and watched movies and watered my plants.  Her post made me realize how wonderful normal days are.  Often times we are counting the days until some day in the future and we forget to enjoy each day that we have and each moment in each day.  I think something I will work on my whole life is to be present in every moment I live and be grateful for it.
These last couple days have been really nice.
Scarlett has been working on crawling and she is so close.  I think by next week she will have it down.
Eva loves to sing and can almost sing the whole Ariel song.  I will have to post it.

Apparently I have no pictures of my girls together because these were all I could find.  I will have to remedy that.

Hard lesson day.

A few weeks ago my mom was cleaning out her storage room and gave me a box full of treasures she thought I would like.  Some of the things were old clothes from when I was little, a brick from the theater where the premiere for Gone With the Wind was held (it burned down), a pin cushion that her mom made with pins in it that have been untouched since she died, flour sack towels embroidered by my grandma or great grandma etc, etc.

Some of the things that Eva loved were a Scarlett O'Hara Madame Alexander doll, a porcelain Snow White, a porcelain little girl with a pretty dress on, and a very old porcelain Mickey Mouse.

Today I finally unpacked the box.  I decided that I wasn't going to just let these things sit in a box and that I would use the dresses and towels and enjoy them.  I threw the towels and clothes into the wash and proceeded to find a place to display the special treasures.

Eva saw these things again and got very excited and wanted to play with them.  I explained how they were glass and very special and that she must be very gentle with them.
I watched her with them and she was so cute and very careful and gently put them all on her froggy book and talked to them and told the girls how pretty they were.

Here is the pretty little girl.  You lift her up and you can store little treasures beneath her.

She was my grammy's.

A little while later I asked Eva if she wanted to water the flowers with me.  She said yes and we went outside.  As I started to water she informed me she would be right back.  It was a gorgeous day and Scarlett and I were enjoying the sunshine and then I heard Eva crying from the side of the house.  I walked around to find her and this is what I found...

...and Eva had huge tears running down her cheeks.  She kept wailing,"Fix her dress, Momma, fix her dress."

Poor little Snow White.  I gave Eva a hug and explained that I couldn't fix it, that Snow White was glass and that she was broken.  This is when I realized that though I explained that Snow White was glass Eva didn't know what that meant.  Well, now she does.  I was very relieved it wasn't the pretty little girl because it is more precious.

I consoled Eva for a little bit and we went inside to lay down and watch a movie.  She wanted to hold Pretty Little Girl.  I explained again that she needed to be very careful.  She sat for a while watching the movie so I quickly went outside to pick some lettuce.  All of a sudden I heard Eva crying again.  I sprinted toward her thinking,"Crap, Pretty Little Girl is broken".  Eva was walking all over looking for me holding Pretty Little Girl with one hand.  At any moment the base could just slip and she would be broken too.  I got to her just in time.  Obviously, Eva did not learn but seriously neither did I.  What was I thinking??  It would have been my fault if Pretty Little Girl had been broken.

So all calms down and I go to look in the wash and I have dyed all my precious embroidered, flour sack towels pink.  

These boots were made for walking...

...in poo.

Every girl needs some poo boots.

Even if they are all dressed up with the name Hunter name on them they are still good ol' poo boots.

Please read this it is important.

Please check out this blog and help this family if you can.  Even if all you can do is pray for them.  
And while you are at it follow the link to register yourself as a donor.  It is important.

To get close you must talk about poo.

A few months ago I made a goal to expand my community.  This doesn't just include the people in my actually community but to expand the people I have connections with in my life.  I feel that blogging is a way to expand my community and so I love it and choose to keep my blog public.  I am aware that though online relationships can be really beneficial I would like human interaction and for me the more the better.

I have been reading this blog by Brene Brown and reading her books.  Have you seen her TED talk.  You should.  I know it is 20 minutes but it really changed my life.  Please take the time.

Anyways, I also enrolled in her online class about Whole Hearted Living and Vulnerability.  It basically dives deeper into her research and how to live whole hearted and put her research and discoveries into action.
I love it.  I signed up so that it would help me through some hard things I am going through and it really has helped.
I have learned so much.

Today I listened to an audio about expanding your community.

There are some people that think that when someone is going through hard times you should act a certain way, be at a certain level of depression, close people out of your life and hide.  It is very rare that I act this way.  When I go through hard times my best defense is to get out in the sunshine and move and do.  It is a way to escape and put things into perspective and see them in the light.  Although it is impossible to fully escape problems until they have been dealt with it is not wrong to deal with your problems at only certain times of your day and not let everyone around you know what problems you have.
Work is a great escape for me.  I am able to leave my problems at the door and dive into my work and be busy.  When I leave I know my problems are waiting for me but I feel strengthened and revitalized to deal with them.

Now back to the community thing.  Often times people feel it is a sign of weakness to ask for help and especially as women we have to go, go , go and be perfect and have everything together.  I have learned that asking for help is a power move.  Perfection is impossible, did you know that?  That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be good at things and do your best but when you try to achieve perfection you will ALWAYS fail.  ALWAYS!  Perfection is impossible!  In the blogging community we all get these small windows into each others lives but we all want to put our best foot forward and not share the imperfections.  So what?  We want this false sense of perfection so when people actually meet us they are disappointed and surprised and judgemental?

The best connections we have are those with people who know us as our vulnerable selves and love us.
So your friend that you trust to come in your messy house and you know she won't judge you is someone you have a real bond with.  The person that you call because you have just done something you feel is so stupid and you will get an empathetic ear is someone you really trust and feel connected to.

There usually cannot just be one person to fill this role.  I have different people I would call in different instances.  When I feel really stupid and ashamed I call my sister Natalie to tell her the story and laugh about it.  I know she will be empathetic and let me know it is not that bad.  When I am all stressed out about my health or vitamins or organic things I call Teresa because she has the know all on hormones, cycles, poo and the natural stuff that I love.  And when I want to talk about my deep personal problems there are a select few people I can count on to help me see things in a proper light and give me strength.

Here are some ways you can expand your community:
Be honest with people, let them see your vulnerabilities and be OK with it.  I.E.: let people see your messy house, who cares, every one's house gets messy, you are most likely not going to be on the next Buried Alive show.


Ask people when you need help.  People love to help others when given the opportunity but it is hard to make someone let you help them and it can be awkward to assume someone needs help. (Don't you love it when your mom calls and says she will take the kids for a day and you didn't even ask?  Well, only your mom will do that so ask people for help already!!!)


Be brave and invite someone out.  Spend some time with someone and you will actually get to know them and start a relationship.  You won't be able to build your community if you won't actually work at it and spend time with people.  Also accept invitations from people.  Yes, it is scary to go out with people you don't know but do it and enjoy yourself.  


Lastly, if we want to be accepted as we are with all of our vulnerabilities we need to be accepting of others.  Be aware when someone is going out on a limb and sharing their vulnerabilities with you.  Don't let them fall, it can be shaming and horrible.

P.S. Are you left wondering how you know if you have a true close connection with someone?  My theory is if you can talk about your poo then you are close and if you can fart around them and warn them to stay away from the fart vicinity you are close.  If you are around someone and you fart and it really stinks and you pretend it wasn't you then you are not that close with that person.

One thing that makes me feel vulnerable is bad pictures of myself.  I don't know why.  I am aware I don't actually look like that but whatever.  Who actually likes bad pictures of themselves?
So to connect with you all I am going to share a really bad picture that Eva took of me.
It is actually a bit freaky. Are my eyes actually that big?

The end.
Finally.

The critics have arrived.

Although I knew it would eventually  happen 

I hoped that it would be a bit longer.

So hello to you critic.

Please try not to interpret things incorrectly.

I made my blog public because it is more fun that way 

so technically the critics are invited.

I shall call you squishy and you shall be mine.

Look at these sweet cheeks....

and eyes and nose and lips.


Scarlett is so chunky.  She is way chunkier than Eva was.  The best thing about her chunkiness is that she is really squishy and soft.  I love it.

Don't you just want to squish her???

Actually BM Apprentice.

So apparently my button was not exactly correct. So the title "Button Maker" (BM) has been revoked from the National Button Makers Academy of Fine Arts (nBMafa) and I have been pushed back to the apprentice program until I can prove myself worthy of the title.

To prove myself worthy I must make you a button.  

Yes you, don't look behind you like you don't know I am speaking to you.  You should feel honored.

Send me your info to theshitsky@gmail.com, include a picture and the name of your blog and if there is a certain font you must have.  If you want to trust my artistic ability just send me the name of your blog and a certain theme.
Help me get my BM!

My button is fixed and should work.  Let me know if it does or doesn't.

Thanks goes to Mary.

Stuck, but OK with it.

I am stuck in San Clemente.

Some flight cancellations yesterday caused some serious problems for standbys.

Although I have lots of things at work to do since I can't control the flight situation I will enjoy wonderful, sunny California.

Love.